Beauty and the Bees

Our house sits on 2 1/2 acres, so naturally we have a lot of grass to mow. At the time I didn't mind mowing so much because we had a great zero turn mower that made it easy. One day I decided to be the good little wifey and get out there and mow the yard. Everything was going great, no snakes, no rats just cutting the grass, cutting the grass, black flying swarming things, cutting the grass... After I thought I saw strange black swarmy things I made another lap around the yard and just at the curve the mower stalls! Uh Oh! The black swarmy things are here! I tried to start the mower but it wouldn't do anything. OW! 

All of a sudden I was on fire! Sting, sting, sting! I jumped off the mower and ran, yes I ran! My fat butt probably didn't even run that fast when I was in the army! They were stinging my arms, they were in my shirt, they got in my shorts! I ran all the way across the property and into the house stripping my clothes as I went! Hillbilly Hell almost got a show! I didn't know what to do, I only knew I was on fire and swelling up. I have never been allergic to bees so I was not worried about that, but I could barely talk, the adrenalin was pumping, I was on the verge of crying and my kids didn't know what was going on.

I called my husband who was working in another state and could do nothing to help me. He was ready to drop everything and come home of course, but that would not be good. He has to make the donuts! So I called a friend that lives close by, she drove down and picked me up and took me to her house. Once there she covered my in meat tenderizer. Wow, I'm in pain and your cannibalistic tendencies are coming out?! She tells me it's supposed to help (yea right!). So I go home and try to get some sleep.

When I got up the next day my arm was HUGE! It felt like it was going to pop! I figured this would be a good time to see a doctor. He tells my I have cellulitis. Well duh, now fix the bee problem! Oh! He meant a bacterial skin thing... I got a tetanus shot and a prescription for steroid pills, fun fun. 

So I had to go to Walmart to get my steroids and low and behold, I was blessed with a vision of thepeopleofwalmart! I turned and looked at my friend, who had come with me, and said, "And the doctor said I have celulitis?!!!!