Running Away!

Several years ago when my daughters were about 5 and 7 they decided I was a mean mommy and they were running away. I asked them where they were going to go and who was going to feed them. They promptly told me they were going to go live with their daddy's step-sister. I asked them why they thought I was a mean mommy and they told me I didn't let them go to the park or walk to their cousin's house by themselves and they were big girls! Well, how terrible of me!

At first I just sent them to their rooms to calm down, thinking they would get over it soon and move on to barbie dolls or something. I was wrong. About 30 minutes later my older daughter announced that she was  going to climb out her window and run away. I went back to their room and said if you really want to run away then go! I even helped them pack their backpacks! Once packed, out the door they went. Steve and I gave  them just a few minutes start, then we jumped in the truck and followed them from one street over. They looked determined! They know they only had to go about 3 blocks to the stop sign and then turn right and head out of town. We let them get about 2 blocks down the road and then picked them back up. They were so mad! Once we got home, I sent them back to their rooms and then I broke down and cried, I really felt bad that they wanted to run away. By the next day though, I was a good mommy again. :) (I think they decided it was ok at home because I told them I wouldn't let them take their toys if they left!)

Beauty and the Bees

Our house sits on 2 1/2 acres, so naturally we have a lot of grass to mow. At the time I didn't mind mowing so much because we had a great zero turn mower that made it easy. One day I decided to be the good little wifey and get out there and mow the yard. Everything was going great, no snakes, no rats just cutting the grass, cutting the grass, black flying swarming things, cutting the grass... After I thought I saw strange black swarmy things I made another lap around the yard and just at the curve the mower stalls! Uh Oh! The black swarmy things are here! I tried to start the mower but it wouldn't do anything. OW! 

All of a sudden I was on fire! Sting, sting, sting! I jumped off the mower and ran, yes I ran! My fat butt probably didn't even run that fast when I was in the army! They were stinging my arms, they were in my shirt, they got in my shorts! I ran all the way across the property and into the house stripping my clothes as I went! Hillbilly Hell almost got a show! I didn't know what to do, I only knew I was on fire and swelling up. I have never been allergic to bees so I was not worried about that, but I could barely talk, the adrenalin was pumping, I was on the verge of crying and my kids didn't know what was going on.

I called my husband who was working in another state and could do nothing to help me. He was ready to drop everything and come home of course, but that would not be good. He has to make the donuts! So I called a friend that lives close by, she drove down and picked me up and took me to her house. Once there she covered my in meat tenderizer. Wow, I'm in pain and your cannibalistic tendencies are coming out?! She tells me it's supposed to help (yea right!). So I go home and try to get some sleep.

When I got up the next day my arm was HUGE! It felt like it was going to pop! I figured this would be a good time to see a doctor. He tells my I have cellulitis. Well duh, now fix the bee problem! Oh! He meant a bacterial skin thing... I got a tetanus shot and a prescription for steroid pills, fun fun. 

So I had to go to Walmart to get my steroids and low and behold, I was blessed with a vision of thepeopleofwalmart! I turned and looked at my friend, who had come with me, and said, "And the doctor said I have celulitis?!!!!

Nice to Meet You!

I guess I should introduce myself. This is an essay I wrote for a college English class and it pretty much sums up who I am:

My name is Danni and I am just me. I do not know what exactly my heritage is, because it has never been very important to me. I am an Army Brat, an American, and a Heinz 57 mutt, and I am proud of it. On my mothers side there are rumors of some Cherokee, and on my fathers side I have heard about Scottish and Irish blood, but I am an American.

            Growing up as an Army Brat I learned that Americans come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and characters. My parents and grandparents are all considered white, which makes me white. I have never had a problem with this, as I do not have a problem with my extended family being black, Mexican, Norwegian, and many other colors and nationalities. These are the people I love unconditionally and who love me back. They are the people who have made me who I am.

            On a family trip to Adventure Island in Houston when I was about fifteen years old, I learned that others did not feel the way I did about my family. I was walking with my cousin, who was a black boy a few years older then I was, when a black girl walked by. As she stared at us she made a comment that my cousin was a “waste of a fine black brother”. When my cousin asked her why, she told him because he was with a white girl. When he laughed and told her we were cousins she didn’t believe him. She just mumbled some things we couldn’t understand and walked off. This was the first time I had ever felt out of place with my family.

            When we met back up with my mother and step-father and told them the story they just laughed and told us not to worry about it, that some people just didn’t understand. For years I wondered what the big deal was. I have yet to find out, but I don’t care anymore. What mattered the most was that we were together as a family and that we had a good time.

            In August 2005, my mother passed away after a long battle with cancer. It was during her memorial service that I realized that God has ways of bringing people together, and that he had used my mother for this purpose. As we all gathered at the church for the service, I looked at all the pictures that were on display. Mom had such a variety of friends and people that she considered her family. People that were different because of skin color, religion, sexual orientation, or nationality, but were the same because they all shared the love of one person.

            As the guests began to arrive at the church, I could feel the love and the loss that all these people shared. The church was packed with people of all shapes and sizes, all colors and religions, and they were all the same. They all loved my mom, and because they loved my mom, they all loved me. One of her best friends “Skin” was asked to talk. He was a large, bald, black man. He was my “uncle”. As he spoke, there was not a dry eye in the room. He told us that because my mother loved all the people there in the church, he loved them too. He said mom didn’t see color or size, she saw friendship and love.

            My name is Danni, and I am just me. I was shaped and molded by the people that have loved me. My heritage may be unknown, but I am an American Heinz 57 and I am proud of it.

Written as a narrative essay for a college class in 2006

Feed 'em to the Hogs!

I met my husband on the internet. I had just got out of a bad 7 year marriage a few months prior and he was a great listener and my having 3 kids didn't scare him away. I met him in Kentucky 4 months later and we hit it off great. His Granny passed away while we were there so he took the next flight out and I followed two days later by Greyhound. (ugh!) He picked me up and when we passed through the nearest town with a McDonald's, he told me to say goodbye to civilization. I didn't know how true this statement was until we got closer to "home". We turned off the highway onto a very small back road, I am really surprised it was even paved (badly). It was just a small road through the woods.  About halfway down this road he says,"Yea, out here they could kill someone and feed 'em to the wild hogs and no one would ever find 'em". Uh yea, I was a little worried, to say the least. Here I am, halfway across the country from my family and this guy is talking about feeding people to the hogs! Then we drive over a couple of rickety wooden bridges and I really start to worry. We were really getting lost in the backwoods. Finally, the trees opened up and we were here... Hillbilly Hell.

I felt a little better once we stopped at a house and I met his aunt and uncle. Then we headed over to his dad's place and I was able to get my first glance at the big town I was about to call home. What did I get myself into?? It was pretty country, but there was nothing there! Almost 10 years later, there is still nothing here!

Green and Yeller

Some of the food around here is quite interesting to say the least. The second day I was here I was offered biscuits and chocolate gravy. Yes I said chocolate gravy! I like chocolate but come on! Why would you want it on a biscuit?

So I was here about a week and Steve and I get home (to his dad's place) and dinner is cooking. "Poppa is making Green and Yeller" says a little voice. Now this sounds interesting, not necessarily yummy, but interesting none the less. Dinner is on the table and I find that green and yeller is actually lima beans and corn. Oh yuck! Isn't that called succotash? Nope, here it's Green and Yeller!

I think I could write a song... Green and Yeller, Green and Yeller, Green and Yeller!

Lamb fries, mountain oysters... not happening, google it!

So I hear there is a special Mexican chicken casserole recipe, but I can't have the recipe because it's super secret. Ok fine, I am intrigued. I was working at the school in the pre-K class and I decided to make a cookbook for the kids to give their parents for Christmas. I asked all the parents to send in recipes their kids enjoyed so I could make this book. One child's mother came in and she told me she would give me her recipe for Mexican chicken casserole, but it was super secret and she really didn't want to, so I told her no problem. She didn't have to give me her super secret recipe, KFC won't give me theirs either! Well, she changed her mind and went ahead and wrote it down. Turns out about 3 other moms sent in the same recipe! Bahaha! Ok there were a few very minor differences in each recipe, but I totally stress minor! So much for super secrets in this town!

I have learned one thing though. No matter how well you cook something (anything), it will never ever be as good as Granny's. I think even if Granny never made it in her life she probably still makes it better than you!

King Tobas

This is King Tobas, AKA Toby. He can Talk, he can dance, he can sing and he can scream! I answered the door one day and it was "The Church People" I have nothing against The Church People, but I am really not interested in joining their church. I do however love their children and cannot close my door to them. So I step out on the porch to listen to the kids read to me from their little booklet thingy when a loud piercing scream is heard. "HELP! HELP! HELP!' over and over! I closed my eyes and tried not to laugh when I saw the faces of The Church People. Finally the mom church person looked at me and said "I do hope that's your bird". I just about lost it. No, it's not my bird... Of course it's my bird, do you think I have someone tied up in my house. Do you think you just interrupted some crazy torture session??? (I just finished reading 50 Shades of Grey so that might be what you heard...NOT!) Anyway, it was worth the looks on their faces.

I would get Toby to sing "Happy Bird Day" to them, but unfortunately The Church People do not celebrate birthdays...

Rumors...

"How do rumors get started? They're started by jealous people..." (showing my age)

OMG! You don't know anything about rumors until you have lived in a small town! Everything is based on something someone said that they heard from Mrs. so and so, who knows because her 3rd cousin works with the guy that bales their hay! It is so much worse than the game we used to play where something is said and then repeated down the line and the last person ends up with a totally different story. I swear people go to family reunions, not to visit and have a good time, but to dig up new dirt to talk about!

You can stay to yourself for a year and people will still find a way to drag you into some crazy drama! There is nothing like getting a bunch of phone calls and text messages asking why you went to a lesbian bar!!?? What?! First off, there is no lesbian bar around here that I know of (I live in Hillbilly Hell remember?!), second, I am not a lesbian. And even if I was and did go, that's my business!!! I have to admit, I did go out to a bar with a friend. I even took my HUSBAND (yes husband, male type, one each) with me so he could drive us safely home.

I really get a kick out of the rumors that fly around here! I guess it goes back to the fact that there is nothing to do here.

My Family

Let me tell you about my family. I have a great husband named Steve, who works hard to make the donuts. He works on a rig a week on then a week off. I have 3 great kids, a 16 year old son, a 13 year old daughter and an 11 year old daughter. My husband's family, both his mother and father's side, all live pretty close together. My family is all over the map, but none of them are here :(

Steve's mom and my mom have both passed away due to cancer but our dads are still kicking. Steve's dad lives about 1/2 a mile up the road flanked on either side by his brothers. He's a pretty quiet guy, keeps to himself mostly. He gets a kick out of making friends with our dogs and horses. He found a pile of hay on the road one day and he stopped and tossed it in his truck and brought it to the house. The horses were pretty happy to see it and Poppa just grinned. Poppa is married to Nanny who we don't see that often.

My dad just moved from Florida to Indiana... Who does that? He is the best! (I am not biased!) He spent 20 years in the army and boy what a life we had. We would move every 2 or 3 years and each time it was a new adventure. Dad is married to Sally and has been since I was 10. We get along great and I miss them both. I only get to see them about once a year if I'm lucky.

Steve has 2 brothers, one lives off in Indiana the other lives a couple of hours away. Hmmm... They took off I wonder why? (smart I guess) I have a sister in Texas.

My aunts and uncles are all over the map and Steve's are mostly in a pretty tight shot group. I don't really know a whole lot about my family since we traveled all our lives, but Steve was born and raised right here with all his family around.

There are definitely a lot of differences between growing up with your family and growing up knowing who they are but rarely seeing them. I will probably get into a few of them at some point.

Home Sweet Home

I guess I should describe our town. We have a school, K-12, a post office, a convenience store/tire shop/feed store (all in one) and a fire station. That about covers it. The fire station is volunteers and I am glad they are there because we live so far away from anything else. The store closes at 5pm! I am surprised we even have a post office to be honest. We are 30 miles from the nearest Walmart, McDonalds, grocery store or hospital. The closest place to get a burger is at a gas station in the next town. As a matter of fact, I think that is the first place Steve took me to eat when I got here. We do have a senior citizen's building, right next door to my house. Every Wednesday they make lunch there and you can eat for a buck. No kidding! Somehow I always end up there on tater-tot casserole day (ugh). The ladies are friendly though and you just can't beat lunch for $1.

On Mother's Day there is a pot luck in the park and on the 4th of July there is a small parade, bbq and music, also in the park. Sounds nice right? Bahahaha! Well, it can be, but of course, there are always two sides to a story.

We have had someone stealing from cars and shed's all over town. I think they were caught. A while back there was someone walking around our house late at night knocking on the outside wall under my kids' windows. At first we thought the kids were just trying to stay up, but one night my husband was laying in bed, the kids were all in bed, and I was in the living room with a friend. One of my girls comes in and tells me someone is knocking on the wall, I told her it's probably the tree branch again, but Steve pops his head up and lets me know he heard something too. He listens a bit longer and he hears it again. I am now ready to call the cops (it takes them roughly 4 hours to respond to our town) but my husband jumps out of bed, throws on his jeans, jumps in his truck and drives all the way around the house. My friend screams from the living room. Apparently as Steve was getting in the truck the guy ran around the other way and took off past the living room window. We never found out who it was, but believe me we are now taking advantage of our 2nd amendment! We also have a couple of dogs out there.

I have had kids poison my dog, try to steal my son's bike (same kids) and they threw rocks and mud over the bridge as my friend drove over it, and broke her windshield! When I first got here some kids were riding around bored and busted up some mailboxes, desecrated a grave and killed someone's dog. There is nothing to do around here, I get it, but jeez! I don't understand where their parents are and why they aren't getting their asses whooped. And don't start with me about spanking a kid being violent blah blah blah. The schools here can paddle my kids, so by golly I can too if I think it's needed! Thank God I have good kids!

Growing up in the military you learn real fast that if you get in big trouble, your dad is going to get an ass chewing from his CO and you really don't want to know what happens next! I'm not saying we didn't get into trouble, but we kept it minimal.

Mowing the Lawn

I have a 16 year old son. He is the best! I have taught him to cook and do laundry because I think he needs to know these things when he gets out on his own. His dad, however, wants him to do yard-work. Yesterday I decided he should mow the grass so his dad won't be fussy when he gets home. My car is in the shop so I sent him down the road with a gas can to get gas for the lawn mower.(it's only 2 blocks) I was sitting on the porch enjoying my coffee when my youngest girl tells me I have a phone call on the house phone. The house phone? We only have a house phone for our dsl, we use cell phones like people in civilization! I go answer the phone and it is the girl working at the store. She tells me my son came in and paid for gas but pumped diesel! Oh NO! Well the grass isn't cut because I don't have a clue what to do with this diesel and It was my only empty gas can! I wonder if he did it on purpose... Thank you store girl, you saved my lawn mower!

Eating Healthier

I have been trying to eat healthier lately. So far it is going pretty good, but only on the weeks Steve is gone. Steve is my husband of almost 9 years. He works a week on the rig and then he is home for a week. He refuses to eat anything that looks, tastes, smells or sounds healthy. When he is home it's spaghetti, hamburgers and french fries or he wants to go out for Mexican. Once he's gone the kids and I get creative with healthier food. Tonight we had spinach and pepper jack stuffed chicken breast, potato salad made with Greek yogurt and a southwestern black bean salad. Last night we had a spinach leaf grilled chicken salad with avocado, corn, tomatoes and sunflower seeds. It was really good! My kids are my heroes, They don't throw fits about eating new things, they try it and if they don't really like it they will still eat it. They even help me pick out recipes and cook it!  I have lost 12 lbs so far which is an added bonus! I bet it could have been more if I could cook this way all the time!

I may start adding some of the recipes we really like here so everyone can enjoy them. Oh wait, I'm the only one here! I need to fix that soon. So, if I can get a couple of people to read my blog I might start adding some of the recipes!

P.S. Notice I said healthier and not healthy. No one's perfect!